waugh, and what i need to remove from my life.

'and i, who by every precept should have put heart into them-- how could i help them, who could so little help myself?...here my last love died. there was nothing remarkable in the manner of its death. as i lay in the dark hour, i was aghast to realize that something within me, long sickening, had quietly died; no hope of setting things right, no self-reproach for the disaster...i had played every scene in the domestic tragedy, had found the early tiffs become more frequent, the tears less affecting, the reconciliations less sweet, till they engendered a mood of cool criticism and aloofness...i caught the false notes in her voice and learned to listen for them apprehensively; i recognized the blank, resentful stare of incomprehension in her eyes, and the selfish, hard set of the corners of her mouth...i learned her slatternly ways, the routine and mechanism of her charm, her jealousy and self-seeking....she was stripped of all enchantment now and i knew her for an uncongenial stranger to whom i had bound myself indissolubly in a moment of folly. i would go on with my job, but i could bring to it nothing more than acquiescence.... my eyes were dry to all save poetry.'

precisely.
this simple passage can be applied to all of the things i need to eradicate or move on from in my life.

and
'i should like to bury something precious in every place where i've been happy and then, when i was old and ugly and miserable, i could come back and dig it up and remember'

& i suppose that's all there is to it: selective memory. recalling happiness. moments recollected in tranquility. the end, period.

& away we go.

50 days left for my current state of directionlessness to disappear...